In Our Community

This month's issue features a guest column from Marvin “Deathlord” Jones, owner and operator of FukkinRobots Inc.

As a responsible business owner and technophile I want to let you in on a little secret. A secret that could change lives, your life, and inspire millions like yourself. A secret SO OBVIOUS that we've had it right in our faces since the first man filled a wheel with his spoke.

Hey, it's Marvin, a human I assure you. Also you can be assured of the pleasures bestowed by inanimate penetration - The penetration of inanimate objects. We're all familiar with penetration by inanimate, and some few animate, objects, but penetrating the unliving is something far more sophisticated an unacceptable, until now.

Here at FukkinRobots Inc we take pride in our mechanical orifices. Far more advanced than a Fleshlight, or even the Fleshlight Couch, we offer you indulgence in the simulated pleasures of oral, vaginal, ocular, and anal simulations. If these options alone don't sastisfy your shaft, a special quadruple layer fukbot (TM) that can provide you the sensations of all four at the same time. It's just a matter of courtesy.

See, FukkinRobots are not sluts. You don't pay the pimp, and you don't even pay the machine. You pay your respects. And if that's so fucking hard to do to a “sad sack of bolts” that “you feel fucking ashamed of sticking your dick inside” than I'm sorry Richard Gordon of Penticton, BC, but I don't think I have anything here that will satisfy you. Or that I'd feel satisfied giving you, you ungrateful piece of shit.

See, Marvin believes in dignity and appreciation. And if Marvin's Sex bots don't help you feel sexually satisfied enough to not date rape that pretty but kinda chubby twenty something at the bar who you don't think her friends will notice is gone (but they totally will), then I don't know what the fuck can help you.

But try one of “her” models out, no strings attached. You only live once, only long enough to gain the trust and respect of a cold unfeeling machine that will stimulate you in ways that a mortal could only dream of. Ever received head from what would appear to be a square box of aluminium? Didn't fucking think so. And to think we're going out of business soon. CLEARANCE SALE OF ALL SEX ROBOTS AT FUKKINROBOTS INC. EVERYTHING MUST GO!!! Except your heart.